ambition.

I've been always content with what i have and what comes my way. but i haven't always been content with my appearance.

If you know me, i always have a smile on my face.
always laughing.
always friendly.
always there.

backstory. i've always been chubby. haha. ever since elementary school. i've always been teased but it's never really bothered me, because i always tell myself that i make up for it with my talents, music, smarts, and friends. and nowadays, all these beautiful, kind girls are wasting their time on douchebags. dont get me wrong, i have game, hahaha. but i just hate how appearance is always priority to us.

Yes i said us, because i do it too.

and sitting, typing on a macbook about my appearance isn't gonna help, i know. im 5'11. Stocky and fat. Calves of a dinosaur. i'm gonna do something about it. this summer. it's not just for 'appearance' but for my health and everything else.

rant. over.

busy busy busy.

School is almost over! ah geez. Junior year flew by so fast. The fact that most of my friends are graduating.. just saddens me. man oh man.

1st place in ready writing, and 2nd place in lit crit. for academic uil!

     Society, in itself, is the world; the world consists of every political perspective, moral values, and the equilibrium between each individual, or lack thereof. An individual is shaped by the way he is brought up into the world, whether he be the sought leader of the people, or just an average joe. But the grueling way that society behaves itself completely alters what one thinks and acts upon. Countless instances of world history and novels persist on the rise and downfall of various nations and figures. The world breaks everyone, including those who persevere and become strong as a result of society, and those who bring nothing but their dreams and joy. It can be said that our world doesn't take sides, nor does it play favorites.

     The American dream- wealth, success, and to be recognized, to name a few. Wealth ultimately defines an individual's success and this success becomes the recognition that one receives. Society is sort of like a vast food chain, powerful on top, average in the middle, and weaklings on the bottom. In the novel Great Gatsby, the main character produces the epitome of booming success; Gatsby obtains everything he wants and needs except for one thing, love. Through fighting in the war and providing himself with an abundant amount of money, he still cannot buy his own version of happiness, his old sweetheart. Although Gatsby lavishes himself with guests, prized possessions, and all the time in the world, deep inside his heart, lingers the absence of true happiness and care. The world produces the goal of working until one is filthy rich and outdoing others, but Gatsby cannot reach his one dream, his reason for existing- his old love. He kills himself as a result and society does it once again. A man of broad figure and of moral sense couldn't be broken into pieces so it kills him in turn by what the world gives him.

     There are numerous people that are not seen fully throughout the world. And 'fully being seen' means fully comprehending who and what that individual is as a whole, not just the outward appearance or the stereotype. Most of the time society blurs our vision into thinking what is acceptable and what is not. In Fight Club, the main character is raised without the proper figure of a father. He becomes wielded by the idea that there is no good in anyone, no hope, and no real reason. Forming 'fight clubs' around the world with his alter ego/alter character, he becomes the chief of what he forms out of his misery and what he concludes from society. Little by little he is broken down into uttering pieces, but in turn becomes stronger in the wrong places because of it. He is literally beaten senseless various times, and stands up becoming stronger on the wrong side. The main character of Fight Club is the exact definition of the Invisible Man. They do not see him. They do not understand who he actually is. They do not comprehend anything of him other than what the world gives them. Society is blinded, and it doesn't lend a hand to those who are in need of understanding. Instead, people who are not 'visible' and who are not 'seen', inevitably becomes roadkill along the way.

    Working to pay off one's debt, to become wealthier, or just for substantial needs were immediately shut down in the late 20's in America. Before, during, and after President FDR's terms, lies the great depression and the unseen downfall of the economy of the United States and the battle of poverty, and living among citizens of the promised land. To put all your savings and hard work into the hands of your country lies the risk of losing it all. As the economy spiraled into oblivion, many people's dreams and hopes went down the drain. What all these people wanted was to live and prosper in the land of the free but in turn was slapped back in the face by society and the world. It broke them down physically and emotionally. The world kills and breaks down the "good", the "gentle" and the "brave". The world never favored those who worked or didn't work, in the end, they were all beaten senseless and they returned to be stronger in the broken places.

    Our society is like the melting pot; it mixes all the separate ideas, opinions, and individuals. This pot does not comprehend which ideas are right and wrong, nor does the stirrer of the pot care. Our world, in itself, produced what we call, 'society', and little by little, it breaks and kills the innocent and the wrong instantaneously. It does not play favorites, and is in no way in a special hurry.

sometimes, i really wanna just Gay Seal some statuses on facebook. hahah.
ehh. im a nice person.

SAT.

i need to stop slacking and start posting daily on here. haha.

I took the SAT's today. Easier than what I thought it would be, mos def easier than the PSAT.
Prompt was really interesting. i'm glad they actually had a prompt that got kids thinking, not some vague topic that'll get some stupid responses.

math on there was easy, revising stuff was easy, hardest part for me was vocab.
it's all good, i'll take it again in the fall. hollah.

NJ.

i miss my lola. "grandma"

late.

2.25.12.

one of the best days ever.
Operation Ask the Princess was a success.